Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
