this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
