he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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