this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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