Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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