About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
