Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
