he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
