omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
