check it out our google latitudes are spooning
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
