just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
