guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
