i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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