Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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