Whod you bang
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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