I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
