gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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