there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
