butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
