you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
