he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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