I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
