How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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