Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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