My sheets look like a crime scene.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
