i wish starbucks made bloody marys
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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