Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
