My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Randomize
