It was confusing and full of hummus
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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