I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
