Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
