billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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