i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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