i wish my penis had a tongue
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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