its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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