Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just gargled with NyQuil
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
