her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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