I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
