don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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