She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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