don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
