I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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