just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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