apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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