we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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