sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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