I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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