I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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