I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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