Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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