Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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