I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
