The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
