Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
