Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
