We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
