part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
