you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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