She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
