I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
