if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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