About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize