Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
