Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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