Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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