Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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