and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
