Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You ruined the universe
Randomize
